The Great Reality

by Cathy Z

When I first heard the words “The Great Reality,” I’m not sure I really understood what they meant.

I thought God was something I had to go looking for. I thought peace was something that would come when everything in my life finally worked out. And I thought if I could just control the people and circumstances around me, somehow I would be okay.

AA has taught me something completely different.

For me, the Great Reality is realizing that God was there all along. I was the one who wasn’t always able—or willing—to see Him.

Before I got sober, I spent a lot of time running. Running from consequences, running from feelings, running from myself. Alcohol and drugs were a way for me not to have to sit with who I was or what was happening in my life.

Then I got sober, and suddenly I had to feel things.
I had to look at myself honestly.
I had to make amends.
I had to rebuild relationships.
I had to learn how to show up when I said I was going to show up.

And probably one of the biggest things I had to learn was that I am not God.

I can’t control what happens tomorrow. I can’t control what other people think of me. I can’t make people forgive me. I can’t keep the people I love from getting older, getting sick, or dying.

But I can control what I do today.
I can be honest.
I can show up.
I can help another alcoholic.
I can make the phone call.
I can apologize when I’m wrong.
I can be present for the people I love.

And I can trust God with the things I can’t control.

That has become the Great Reality for me.

I used to think a second chance meant getting my old life back. Today I realize my second chance was getting a completely different life.

A life where my relationships could heal.
A life where I could be present for my family.
A life where I could walk into an AA meeting and tell the truth about who I am and what I’ve done without having to hide.
And a life where, when things hurt, I don’t have to run from the feelings anymore.

I can cry. I can be sad. I can be angry. I can be scared. And I can still be sober.

That’s freedom.

I’ve also learned that finding God doesn’t mean my life suddenly becomes easy.

Sometimes I find God in the good things—in my family, my grandchildren, laughter, friendships and another sober day.

But I’ve found Him in some of the hardest moments of my life too.
I’ve found Him when I’ve had to accept something I desperately wanted to change.
I’ve found Him when I’ve had to let go.
I’ve found Him when I’ve been able to be there for someone I love instead of running away because it hurt too much.
And I’ve found Him sitting in rooms just like this one, listening to another alcoholic tell the truth.

Today, I don’t think the Great Reality is something I have to completely understand.

I think I just have to be willing to experience it.

For me, God isn’t somewhere far away waiting for me to become good enough.
He’s here.
He’s in the honesty.
He’s in the willingness.
He’s in the connection between one alcoholic and another.
He’s in that quiet voice that tells me, Just do the next right thing.

And He’s in the fact that after everything I’ve been through, I’m still here.
I’m sober.
I’m grateful.

And I get another day to try to be useful.

Maybe that’s the Great Reality:

God was never as far away as I thought He was. I just had to get sober enough, quiet enough, and willing enough to find Him.

Thank you.