Great Forgetters

By Anonymous

I write sometimes to remind myself. As I am one of the “great forgetters.”

After 35+ Years of Drinking:

Here’s My Truth about Getting Free:

I quit because I was slowly disappearing. Into the drink. Into the shame.

Into the same old story that said, “this is just who I am.”

I drank for 35+ years. Every high and every heartbreak was soaked in alcohol.

It was how I celebrated. How I coped. How I socialized. How I numbed.

It was my identity.

And I didn’t just walk away from a drink–I walked away from the version of myself it kept on life support.

Now? I’m sober.

And here’s the brutal, beautiful truth no one told me...

The Real Fight Isn’t the Drink…

It’s what comes after.

It’s the silence.

The identity crisis.

The gut-punch of facing feelings you haven’t felt in decades.

Nobody told me that the hardest part of quitting isn’t the cravings–it’s the absence.

The gaping hole where my old self used to hide.

When I took away the cold beers and the shots, the martinis and the champagne…what was left?

Me.

Raw. Awake. Unfiltered.

And completely out of practice at being present.

The first week? I was away from My Family. My heart. My Home.

I was Restless. Broken.

The second week? Emotional. Depressed and Lost.

The third week? I can’t remember. I was just putting one foot in front of the other so not to fall backward. In survival mode.

By week four, I could feel again–and it wasn’t all pretty.

But by week eight, I started sleeping.

Deeply. Peacefully. Without waking up at 3am in a cold sweat wondering what I’d done the night before. Or still not having slept at all.

By week ten, my energy came back.

By week twelve, my face looked different. My skin clearer. My eyes less haunted. I was losing weight. I felt better.

And by week sixteen? (Month 4!!)

I didn’t just feel sober. I felt Free!!

(It took me a couple attempts to get this far but it was well worth it)

I found something radical:

Radical self-respect.

I rebuilt my life using these tools:

At first I just listened.

Then,

I found a community.

I made new friends.

I found comfort in being uncomfortable.

I forgave myself and I forgave others.

(We are only human)

I got to know myself.

I began to accept people, places and things as they are.

I was (am) kind. To myself and to others.

I seek new knowledge daily.

I let go of my ego and prideful thoughts.

I take the contrary action.

And I always… Always lead with love.

• I pray, do breath work and meditate (it helps to regulate my nervous system)
  
• I read, journal, reach out to others and share. I give of my time and share my experience.
  
• I walk my dogs, clean my house, lift weights, or do yoga (I move to shift trauma out of my body)
  
• Boundaries!! (not optional–essential to maintain my sanity)
  
• Alcohol was never the problem. It was the symptom. I remind myself.
  
• I wasn’t broken. I was buried. I remind myself.
  
• Sobriety didn’t take my life away–it gave it back. I remind myself.
  
• I also remind myself that I don’t need to explain my healing to anyone who benefited from my pain.
  
• I am allowed to choose me, even if it makes other people uncomfortable.
  

I’m not here to impress anyone.

I’m here to tell the truth.

This is my sobriety. And it’s the most powerful rebellion of my life.

Anonymous