Great Forgetters

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By Anonymous

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I write sometimes to remind myself. As I am one of the “great forgetters.”

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After 35+ Years of Drinking:

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Here’s My Truth about Getting Free:

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I quit because I was slowly disappearing. Into the drink. Into the shame.

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Into the same old story that said, “this is just who I am.”

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I drank for 35+ years. Every high and every heartbreak was soaked in alcohol.

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It was how I celebrated. How I coped. How I socialized. How I numbed.

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It was my identity.

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And I didn’t just walk away from a drink–I walked away from the version of myself it kept on life support.

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Now? I’m sober.

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And here’s the brutal, beautiful truth no one told me...

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The Real Fight Isn’t the Drink…

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It’s what comes after.

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It’s the silence.

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The identity crisis.

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The gut-punch of facing feelings you haven’t felt in decades.

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Nobody told me that the hardest part of quitting isn’t the cravings–it’s the absence.

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The gaping hole where my old self used to hide.

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When I took away the cold beers and the shots, the martinis and the champagne…what was left?

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Me.

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Raw. Awake. Unfiltered.

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And completely out of practice at being present.

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The first week? I was away from My Family. My heart. My Home.

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I was Restless. Broken.

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The second week? Emotional. Depressed and Lost.

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The third week? I can’t remember. I was just putting one foot in front of the other so not to fall backward. In survival mode.

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By week four, I could feel again–and it wasn’t all pretty.

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But by week eight, I started sleeping.

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Deeply. Peacefully. Without waking up at 3am in a cold sweat wondering what I’d done the night before. Or still not having slept at all.

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By week ten, my energy came back.

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By week twelve, my face looked different. My skin clearer. My eyes less haunted. I was losing weight. I felt better.

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And by week sixteen? (Month 4!!)

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I didn’t just feel sober. I felt Free!!

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(It took me a couple attempts to get this far but it was well worth it)

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I found something radical:

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Radical self-respect.

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I rebuilt my life using these tools:

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At first I just listened.

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Then,

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I found a community.

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I made new friends.

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I found comfort in being uncomfortable.

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I forgave myself and I forgave others.

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(We are only human)

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I got to know myself.

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I began to accept people, places and things as they are.

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I was (am) kind. To myself and to others.

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I seek new knowledge daily.

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I let go of my ego and prideful thoughts.

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I take the contrary action.

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And I always… Always lead with love.

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• I pray, do breath work and meditate (it helps to regulate my nervous system)
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• I read, journal, reach out to others and share. I give of my time and share my experience.
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• I walk my dogs, clean my house, lift weights, or do yoga (I move to shift trauma out of my body)
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• Boundaries!! (not optional–essential to maintain my sanity)
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• Alcohol was never the problem. It was the symptom. I remind myself.
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• I wasn’t broken. I was buried. I remind myself.
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• Sobriety didn’t take my life away–it gave it back. I remind myself.
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• I also remind myself that I don’t need to explain my healing to anyone who benefited from my pain.
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• I am allowed to choose me, even if it makes other people uncomfortable.
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I’m not here to impress anyone.

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I’m here to tell the truth.

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This is my sobriety. And it’s the most powerful rebellion of my life.

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Anonymous

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